Sitting at a restaurant this week with my family my mom pointed out a little girl who was obviously special needs.  “Look at her, how awful for that family, aren’t you lucky and blessed.”  Since I have heard similar things from her my entire life, it didn’t phase me, until she started with my oldest son.  I stopped her right away.  I don’t want him to stare at this family.  Everywhere they go they are stared at by other people.  How would you like to have to deal with that your entire life?  I don’t want my son to think “poor family”.  The family may feel that they are blessed, not burdened.  I don’t want my son making those judgements about others.  I want him to see the beauty in every person.  She was annoyed with me.  I have heard a variation of this theme my entire life.  Out in public, my mom would often point out those who are “different” and then proceed to tell me how fortunate I was.  She was not referring to my adoptee status because she would do the same thing with her biological children.  She would also point out overweight people and ask if she looked like that.  The proper answer would be, “of course not”.  It took me years to realize why my mom is this way.  Her mother was very critical.  My mom was the “golden” child and her sister was not.  Her sister was overweight and A LOT of focus was put on weight.  My mom has self-esteem issues so she points out other’s faults in order to build herself up.  Differences are BAD!  How do you think she dealt with my adoptee status?  How about we just pretend that I wasn’t adopted?  How do you think she reacted when my second son was born with a cleft in his hand?  She still has issues with him which is her loss.  I don’t want this “look at her” trait passed on to my children.  I don’t want them feeling that they are better than others.  I want them to see the blessings in others.  I want them to see the beauty in being different.  There is beauty in differences.

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